DISCLAIMER: These materials are not endorsed, approved, sponsored,
or provided by or on behalf of the University of Arkansas, Fayetteville.
The views and opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of CAT,
the hosts or anyone else in their right mind. Child-like discretion is advised while
we take our minds out and play with them.
Return to One Whirled View Page
1/6/97
Wait!!!!!! Don’t Touch That Dial! Gasp!!!!!!!!
It’s One Whirled View
Starring Roger Henry & Dan Vega
Produced by Roger Henry
Directed by Richard S. Drake
Creative Consultant Ed Wood
Narration Orson Welles
Transportation Bo and Luke Duke
Sexual Advice Mike Huckabee
Taping and Editing Facilities So Large Access Television (S.L.A.T.) Fayetteville, Arkansas
Ethical Advice Newt Gingrich & Bill Clinton
Love Theme: “One Whirled Lewd” written by Billy Idol, Henry Mancini, sung by Debby Boone
Catering – The Raw Food Militia “What’s Good for the Constitution is Good for Your Constitution”
Stunt Double Charles Fuqua, Winston Bryant
Spiritual Weight Training Bubba Buddha “Trainer to the Gods”
Composting – University of Arkansas Mulching Band
Soundtrack Available from Whitewater Records
Novelization by Tom Clancy, Erica Jong
Have you hugged your cactus today?
Snob! They need love too!
If you enjoyed this show call 444-3433.
If you didn’t . . sorry.
1/20/97
The Ubiquitous/Universalist Fellowship presents
One Whirled View
Produced by Roger Henry
Directed by Richard S. Drake
If you would like to own a fine collection of “One Whirled View” episodes and are too lazy/dumb to record the shows on your VCR
send $99.99 to Fleece Enterprises c/o Solarge Corporation, 666 Center Street, Gravette, Arkansas 72666.
Script: Bill Clinton, Taylor Caldwell, Peggy Noonan
Music “Inaugural Balls” sung by Whitney Houston and Billy Idol
Written by Steven Foster
“One Whirled View” four more years of kwalitee teevee
Cast of characters: Roger Henry – Wally Cox
Dan Vega – Bubba Gnopous
Bill Clinton – William Shatner
Newt Gingrich – Lee Majors
Hillary Clinton – Courtney Cox
Jeffrey Dahmer – Oliver North
Did you like this program? Call 444-3433.
Hey, we’re outta here!!!
Disclaimer:
“Any appearance on this program of wisdom, real or imagined, is strictly coincidental and not the responsibility of One Whirled View.
No names have been changed as the truly innocent need no protection.”P>
2/10/97
The World Cannibalism League (in cooperation with Tofu Mart) presents
One Whirled View
featuring the “talents” of Roger Henry (Host/Producer) and
Dan Vega (Host/???????)
Directed by Richard S. Drake
ending credits:
The World Cannibalism League (in cooperation with George Lucas) presents
One Whirled View
featuring the “talents” of Roger “Darth” Henry (Host/Producer) and
Dan “Yoda” Vega (Host/???????)
Directed by Richard S. Drake
Script: George “I haven’t had a new idea in years” Lucas and
Ivana “Really, I write my books myself” Trump
Special Effects: Jack’s Muffler and Model Spaceship Shop - “If skill doesn’t work moving your car, we JUST USE THE FORCE!”
Music composed by Boy “Luke Skywalker” George
Taped on location, So-Large Galaxy
The William Shatner “I never met a role I couldn’t make a ham sandwich out of” Studios, Gravette, AR
Costumes: Bill “Jabba the Hut” Clinton
Cast of Characters: Luke Floorwalker – Roger Henry
Han Bolo – Dan Vega
Spam Vader – Mike Huckabee
Obi Won Cannoli – David Hasselhof
Arnold Ziffel – William Shatner
Roger and Dan will return to your screens in the 3-D adventure
“The Effects of Gamma Radiation on American Farm Policy, 1967-1985”
coming to a theatre near you this summer!
Well, the audience took a vote – we’re outta here!
It’s Splitsville, Dudes!
Be here next time! Same C.A.T. Time! Same C.A.T. Channel!
2/24/97
No credits – no C-Gen.
Disclaimer:
“Any appearance on this program of wisdom, real or imagined, is strictly coincidental and not the responsibility of One Whirled View.
No names have been changed as the truly innocent need no protection.”
3/10/97
One Whirled View
“Sarring” Roger Henry and Dan Vega
Produced by Roger Henry
Directed by Richard S. Drake
Script: Darby O’Gill, Eugene O’Neil
Stunts Micky O’Rourke
Music: Joan O’Jett
Studio Facilities: Gaelic Access Television, Fayetteville-By-the-Sea
Sensitivity Training: Mike Malarkey
Depression Counseling: Bertha Baloney
No Arkansas Natives were harmed or damaged in the production of this program
Be here next month when Roger and Dan take on “The Case of the Pseudo-Male-Feminist”
or “I’m not really a guy, I’m a Junior-Goddess at heart”
Goodnight!!!
Clips from Audio:
“Only One Whirled View – NOT – The One & Only Whirled View.”
3/24/97
Roger Henry Productions Presents
One Whirled View!!!!
Produced by and starring Roger “Orson Welles” Henry
also featuring Dan “Gabby Hayes” Vega
Directed by Richard S. Drake
Screenplay by Mel Brooks & Jackie Collins
Acting Coach William Shatner
Stunts: Adam West, Peewee Herman
One Whirled View is based on the novel “Death by Public Access,”
an Inspector Anous Myster, written by C.A.T. Ballou.
Roger and Dan will be guest starring in the CBS movie: “The Incredible Hulk vs Murphy Brown.”
Love Theme: “He’s got the Whole Whirled in his Hands”
performed by Slim Whitman and Diana Ross.
We wish to thank the United Network Command for Law and Enforcement,
without whose cooperation this program would not be possible.
4/7/97
Hey Kids! Do you know what time it is?
That’s right! It’s “One Whirled View” time
Starring Roger “Cowboy” Henry and Dan “Lego my Eggo” Vega
Produced by Roger Henry
Directed by Richard S. Drake
Script: Jack Lalane
Mr. Vega’s Personal Trainer Peter Pectoral
Mr. Henry’s Acting Coach Lee Majors
Green M&M’s provided by Heidi Fleiss
Transportation provided by Heaven’s Gate Travel Agency
Surgery performed by Mack the Knife
Spiritual Consultants Bishop sheen, Pope John Paul II, Tom Brown, Sister Aimee.
We welcome your comments. To write to us:
Put your letter in a bottle and drop it over the deck of the ocean liner nearest you.
We’ll respond the same way!
We’re outta here, dude!
4/21/97
Whitewater Productions Presents
One Whirled View!!!
Starring “Jim MacDougal” Henry.
Also featuring Dan “Webb Hubbel” Vega
Produced by Roger Henry
Directed by Richard S. Drake
Script – Pat Robertson, Dick Morris
Special Effects by Steven Spielberg & Mo’s Muffler Shop
Biblical Research: Larry Flynt, Hugo Montenegro
Roger and Dan will be appearing next week at Corn Dog Mart to promote their newest recipe for corn dogs: One Swirled Loop
And don’t forget to watch C-Span tomorrow when Roger and Dan receive the “Medal of Freedom” for their role in exposing corruption on the NASCAR circuit.
Gotta go!
Pat Robertson’s taking us to lunch! A Bar-B-Que????
Clips from Audio:
“OWV is brought to you by the word rong, and by low-impact aerobic bingo.”
5/5/97
XXX Productions presents
One Whirled View!!!!
Starring Roger “Mister Love” Henry
Also featuring Dan “Bedroom Eyes” Vega
Produced by Roger Henry
Directed by Richard S. Drake
Script: Marilyn Chambers & Jerry Falwell
Special Effects: John Holmes World of Mechanical Engineering
Erotic Research: All of us!
Music: Motel 6 Choir
Moral “Guidance” Republican National Committee to Oppress the Poor
Cameras Steven Foster
Spiritual Advice: Bubba’s Mens’ Group and B-B-Que Pit
Music: John Tisch, John Denver, The Sex Pistols
Buy the new Roger and Dan book, “The Sensuous Talk Show Host”
Good night!
Clips from Audio:
“This program is a test. It is only a test. Had this been an actual program you would be told where to tune for further instruction.”
5/19/97
One Whirled View
starring/staring Roger Henry and Dan Vega
Produced by Roger Henry
Directed by Richard S. Drake
Script by Adam West & Jackie Collins
based upon the novel “The One Whirled View Prophecy”
written by Harry “Scam the simple-minded” Starhealer
now available in paperback and CD-Rom
Music composed by the London Symphonic Pan Flute Orchestra
Mr. Henry’s wardrobe provided by Botany 500
Mr. Vega’s wardrobe supplied by “Joe”
No Libertarians were harmed or reasoned with during the production of this program
Research: Cliff Knotes
First Aid provided by Body Bags’R Us
Special Effects: Mr. Olsen’s 7th Grade Shop Class
Have a personal problem? Write to your local newspaper and ask them to carry Roger and Dan’s new advice column:
“Who gives a ____?”
Oh no! The troops are here!
Quick, spread the word! Don’t let us be recycled in vain!
AAAUUUGGGHHH!!!!!!! Good night.
Next week this program will be replaced by the show: “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, Don’t Learn.”
Good night from the Intellectual High Kommand.
6/16/97
One Whirled View
starring those Oscar Winning Rabbits Roger Henry and Dan Vega
Produced by Roger Henry
Directed by Richard S. Drake
Screenplay Gore Vidal, Norman Mailer, Jackie Collins
Based on the novel “1000 Things to Do In Fayetteville when You’re Dead”
Parts on this episode were based on the film “Doc Savage Meets the Hemmorhoids from Uranus”
Music: The William Shatner Philharmonic
Love theme: “Love Hustler”composed by Larry Flynt & Tammy Faye Baker.
6/30/97
Don’t touch your knobs!
It’s One Whirled View
starring Roger “Dagwood” Henry and Dan “Blondie” Vega
Produced by Roger Henry
Directed by Richard S. Drake
Roswell Video Footage provided by Carl Kolchak
Midlife Crisis inspired by Bad Summer Movies
Equipment for Roger’s Utility Belt - Mack’s Hardware
Catering Provided by Loogy’s Cafetaria
Music composted by Fred’s Organic Band
Love Song “Roswell, Roswell, give me your answer true …” sung by Frank Sinatra, Jr. and the Blue Book Boys
Set Design Salvador Dali
Security Frank Hardy, Joe Hardy
Scientific Research Tom Swift, Jr.
Nest week! Tourists attack the White House!
Only Roger and Dan, and Tofu, their cat companion, can save the day
“Attack of the Flying Wombat.”
Next week! Same One Whirled Time, Same One Whirled Channel.
7/14/97
Hey, Kids! Do you know what time it is?
It’s “One Whirled View” time!
Starring Roger “Cowboy Bob” Henry and Dan “Clarabell” Vega
Producer Roger Henry
Director Richard S. Drake
Hair Styling “Fat Jack’s Bar-B-Que and Hair Gel Center”
Immunity from Prosecution provided by Samuel Colt
Special Offer! Roger and Dan now offer their own distinctive interpretation of the Watergate Tapes.
Roger will provide all 6,000 hours of dialogue and Dan will provide all of the “expletives deleted.”
Love Song: “Fatty Content” performed by Al Olestra & the Running Lap Dogs of Imperialism, Written by Lou S. Boulls
Dance Number: “Slippery Slope of Love” performed by the Mucous Membrane Dancers
Too disgusting for words! Yanked off the Air!!!,
Free the One Whirled View Seven!
9/8/97
No credits from Dan’s kitchen.
9/22/97
Just when they promised you were safe …
Gasp! Shudder! Eeek!!
It’s One Whirled View
starring Roger Henry & Dan Vega
Produced by Roger Henry
Directed by Richard S. Drake
Security Alan Alda
Space Shuttle Footage provided by Milli Vanilli Video Company
Coming Soon: “One Whirled View: The Battle at the Earth’s Core”
with Doug McClure as Professor Roger “Clipjoint” Henry and
Peter Cushing as Dan “Gatecrasher” Vega.
Also starring Christopher Lee as Mike Huckabee
William Shatner as Fay Boozman
Pia Zadora as Agatha Christie
Script: Stirling Silliphant, based on a screenplay by Ed Wood and Orson Welles
Directed by Sam Sensitivity
Karma provided by Kommunity Aksess Telivizion, Fett’ville, Arkansas
Music: The Gravette Boy’s Choir singing their hit “Watching Scotty Hurl”
Costumes provided by folks at the bus station (who now have no clothes) sorry
Insurance provided by hahahahahahaha, inc.,
Gotta go!
Don’t beg! It’s beneath you!
Well, okay.
No, Roger and Dan, we meant the audience not you!!!!!
Remember, these men are stunt interviewers. Don’t try this at home.
Good night.
10/6/97
Hey, Gang! Got Nothing Better to do? Well, it’s:
One Whirled View
Featuring Lee Majors as Roger Henry and Heather Locklear as Dan Vega
Produced by Roger Henry
Directed by Richard S. Drake
If you would like a videotape of this special 100th episode of “One Whirled View” (and were too lazy to tape it,)
send $300 in small, unmarked bills to: Mister X, P.O. Box XXXXXXX34, Dragon’s Lair, New Jersey 66604
Coming soon to a video store near you!!! “Plan 9 From One Whirled View”
from a recently discovered script by Ed Wood and Gene Roddenberry
starring Dennis Weaver as Captain Roger T. Henry and
Robert Conrad as Dan “Scotty” Vega “The Engineer from Hell”
Love Theme sung by Pia Zadora
Guest cast: Gil Gerard as Pieter Pann
James Arness as Kitty
Adam West as Michael Keaton
Sigourney Weaver as Ripp Lee
Filmed on location at Mike Huckabee National Park and Chip Mill.
Our 100th Show! Yippee!!!!!!
And we owe it all to you and you and you and you and you and you and you and you and you.
See you next week One Whirled Cadets!
10/20/97
Now! Appearing on your TV screens!!!!!
One Whirled View
starring (HAHA) Roger Henry and Dan Vega
Produced by Roger Henry
Directed by Richard S. Drake
Screenplay Bob Woodward, Sidney Sheldon based on the novel “Terror Strikes at Midnight”
Music: Springdale Symphony Orchestra featuring the song “gobble, gobble, gobble”
Next week: Roger and Dan combat the dread Dormannu in
“I was a Teenage Lexicographer”
Gotta Go!!!!
But first, kids: remember our motto!
“Roger and Dan, Roger and Dan, If they can do it, anyone can!”
Special Effects – Jorge Lucas
Roger and Dan will soon be appearing at a 7-11 near you!!! (as night clerks)
Clips from Audio:
“If unaware of our ignorance we are deceived by our knowledge.”
11/3/97
One Whirled View
with Roger Henry and Dan Vega
Produced by Roger “Zoid” Henry
Directed by Richard S. “Orson Welles” Drake
Set Construction – Chinese Prison Labor
The “TRUTH” provided by Mister Ed
Channeling provided by Seagrams 7
Violin solo played by Minnee Maus
Dan’s Song “Viewing my Whirl” written by Ol’ Nick
Roger’s Baton Twirling choreographed by Lee Majors
Gotta go!!!!!
Brought to you by Olestra Cola!
Run to get some! Run back! RUNS!!!!
11/17/97
One Whirled View
starring Roger of the Henry’s and Dan in the Vega
Produced by Roger Henry
Directed by Richard S. Drake
Satellite Imaging Jack Ryan
Cameras Kris Carson & Nostro Dohmus
Screenplay Xaviera Hollander
Based upon Leviticus 12:4 – 16:7
Additional material from “Santa Claus conquers the Martians.”
Love Theme “Deep in the Vega of Love” sung by Pia Zadora
Composed by Roger Henry
Good Night!!!!!!
Clips from Audio:
“Viewer rhymes with sewer, whatever that means.”
“That doesn’t mean anything.”
“It made the director laugh.”
“Well, sewers are really in the news, but we’re not going to talk about that.”
“Yeah, that’s kind of a crappy subject.”
“Mistreatment plants.”
“Yeah, I like that .. high tech and odor free. Uh-huh.”
12/29/97
“One Whirled View”
starring Roger Henry and Dan Vega
Produced by Mr. Roger Henry
Directed by Richard S. Drake
Special Guest Star Ms. Lisa Henry
The role of Father Time was played by William Shatner
The role of Matt McCoy, Law of the Ozarks, was played by William Shatner
and the role of T.J. Hooker was played by Andy Lee
Written by Peggy Noonan, Pat Robertson, Larry Flynt
Based on the play “Last of the Whirlhicans”by James Fenimore Cooper
Play the CD Game “One Whirled Combat III”
No elected officials were harmed during the production of this program. Sorry! We tried!
Last show of the year!
Call 444-3433 if you want our contract extended!
Goodnight! We’ll meet again!
Happy New Year!
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Last major modification 2/12/09