Stealing the Victory

Xenophanes 2.1-12

ERIN HUBENER
University of Arkansas

Ad litteram . . .

If someone should take the victory by the swiftness of

his feet,

Or competing in the pentathlon, where the domain

of Zeus

Is near the river of Pisa in Olympia, or if wrestling,

Or even having the painful skill of boxing,

Or that terrible context which they call the pankration,

He would be more glorious for the citizens to

look at

And he would win that prominent front row seat in the

assemblies,

And there would be food of the public stores

From his city, and a gift which would be a treasure

for him

Or if with horses even, he would obtain all these

things

Not being as worthy as I; for better than the strength

Of men and horses is my wisdom.

Ad Arkansam . . .

If some guy should steal the victory,

Jumping high or running quickly,

There in Walton's realm, near the Hill,

In the Ozark land of Fayetteville,

And if this guy can fight for the ball,

And make a baneful foul,

If he advanges to last dread game,

Called the championship, by name,

There would be for an Arkie nothing more gloriuous

Than to see his team leaving, victorious,

SI's cover would show his face round the nation,

White House feasts, in congratulation,

As for his treasure, a gift from the state,

He'll be allowed to graduate.

And if in his Nikes nothing does he lack,

He would be a Razorback!

But not as deserving then as I,

For isn't this classical brain of mine

Better, oh please, than the brawn of swine?